Finding a Spouse — Don’t do the math

confusedOk, I’m going to say something that may be a little controversial. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about– can you guess –finding my husband. (Some of you are rolling your eyes….ahem….Rachel. Bear with me.) And while listening to the chorus of voices around me on this topic, there’s been one thing said that is very dissonant to me. I’d like to address it here.

I hear pastors quote recent polls saying that there are only 3 men in church for every 7 women. This is over in Korea; I’m not sure the case in America. But whatever the poll, it’s pretty negative for the crowd of hopeful women.

In a coffee shop, two single ladies lament the number of eligible, Christian men.

Alone at home, one of the said, single ladies, begins to fret and think of all the “what-ifs” that could happen (or, more ominously, could NOT happen) to a single woman advancing in years.

Gloominess, desperation, and fits of salty tears ensue.

Frankly, I don’t think this is the way God wants us to approach the situation. I think we should STOP doing all the math.

It’s so easy to do the math when it comes to relationships. Women, especially, love to figure out their future marriage in their minds, right down to the number of bridesmaids at their wedding, the number of babies that will come, their names, and, if possible, the number of hairs on their cute little heads.

But when does God ask us to do the math and try to arrange everything ahead of time? When does God ask us to look at the situation around us and base our future plans on what we see?

Nothing’s coming to mind.

In fact, He tells people to do the opposite.

David was instructed NOT to count the number of fighting men in Israel. This seems wacked in the world’s system, but David’s aim was never to fight the world’s way – his victories came from God’s blessing, not any number of men. When David decided to see if the odds were in his favor instead of depending on God’s power, he brought horrific damage to his kingdom (1 Chronicles 21).

God promised Abraham that he would have a child. Abraham knew his age and “faced the fact that his body was as good as dead,” but that didn’t keep him from believing God. If Abraham had approached the situation the same way many women are desperately approaching husband-hunting these days, there would have been a lot more Ishmaels, and probably no Isaac. Thankfully, Abraham believed even “against all hope,” because he was “fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” (Romans 5)

Ladies, whenever Jesus comes into a situation, frankly, the math doesn’t matter! Look what he did to 5 loaves and 2 fish! Now, I’m not saying that we should live separated from reality. But, as Christians, let’s depend on God and give the reality, whatever it may be, into His hands.

When we assess and reassess and try to count and figure all the time, that doesn’t show trust in God. It shows fear. Let’s have some faith in God’s good plan, and live joyfully, hopefully, freely.

Whatever you need – whether you’re waiting for a spouse, a job, wisdom for your workplace, a strategy, salvation for a family member or friend – let me offer this. Stop doing all the figures in your head. It will only give you a headache. Look up, and let God give you His promise, His strategy, and His assurance that a glory is ahead whenever we invite Him to take control of our situation.

Let’s stop doing the math and enjoy the journey with our Savior! I’ve got this feeling that it’s going to be something else.

Love in Christ,


photo 4 (3)

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter ’till the full light of day.
Proverbs 4:18


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